The other day, I mentioned a few dozen women who started coaching and found long-term partners and husbands who are still making them happy every day.
Shortly thereafter, I had a conversation with Penelope, a private client in her sixties who is struggling to find time for love. While she enjoys the group coaching sessions and finds the success stories inspirational, she isn’t actually dating. Although she knows that’s not ideal, she told me that there are three projects that always seem more pressing:
A backyard landscape renovation
Two adult kids who are currently at home
Enlightenment through plant medicine and meditation
Oh, by the way, Penelope is also a practicing doctor!
So, let’s not minimize Penelope’s dilemma. She IS busy. She DOES have obligations. But more importantly, she’s making choices that involve tradeoffs.
And it just so happens that all of her choices (besides hiring a coach) involve doing something OTHER than dating. That’s no surprise. A new backyard, time with her kids, and the promise of inner peace all, theoretically, should bring her joy.
The problem is that she’s stuck in her OLD model that dating/relationships/men bring PAIN. Well, if that’s the way she sees it, of COURSE she’d rather focus on her ferns than her dating profile. To her credit, she laughed and acknowledged my point.
Penelope finds dating so scary and overwhelming, she doesn’t know where to begin.
This is where we had a mini-breakthrough.
Instead of being petrified at getting attached to a guy, being stuck as a people pleaser, or settling in a bad relationship, Penelope broke her dating process into smaller actions.
Week 1: call my stylist friend to help her buy a few date night outfits
Week 2: book a time with a local photographer and start her e-Cyrano questionnaire
Week 3: finish her questionnaire and have a professional write her profile.
Week 4: watch Love U content about online dating and activate her Match profile.
Week 5: talk to me about all the responses that are now rolling in.
I hope you can see why this is a smart, systematic approach that removes Penelope’s fear and paralysis – and doesn’t ask her to abandon her other important projects.
You’re not going on a 24/7 husband hunt; you’re taking small, decisive actions that lead you to have an active love life. That’s all.
In related news, I got hired by Vanessa to help her find love in 2021. She, too, was a busy doctor, in the middle of renovating an apartment, running for the board of her co-op, and getting another medical certification, all while doing hot yoga 3x/week.
Here she is now:
The other day, I mentioned a few dozen women who started coaching and found long-term partners and husbands who are still making them happy every day.
Shortly thereafter, I had a conversation with Penelope, a private client in her sixties who is struggling to find time for love. While she enjoys the group coaching sessions and finds the success stories inspirational, she isn’t actually dating. Although she knows that’s not ideal, she told me that there are three projects that always seem more pressing:
A backyard landscape renovation
Two adult kids who are currently at home
Enlightenment through plant medicine and meditation
Oh, by the way, Penelope is also a practicing doctor!
So, let’s not minimize Penelope’s dilemma. She IS busy. She DOES have obligations. But more importantly, she’s making choices that involve tradeoffs.
And it just so happens that all of her choices (besides hiring a coach) involve doing something OTHER than dating. That’s no surprise. A new backyard, time with her kids, and the promise of inner peace all, theoretically, should bring her joy.
The problem is that she’s stuck in her OLD model that dating/relationships/men bring PAIN. Well, if that’s the way she sees it, of COURSE she’d rather focus on her ferns than her dating profile. To her credit, she laughed and acknowledged my point.
Penelope finds dating so scary and overwhelming, she doesn’t know where to begin.
This is where we had a mini-breakthrough.
Instead of being petrified at getting attached to a guy, being stuck as a people pleaser, or settling in a bad relationship, Penelope broke her dating process into smaller actions.
Week 1: call my stylist friend to help her buy a few date night outfits
Week 2: book a time with a local photographer and start her e-Cyrano questionnaire
Week 3: finish her questionnaire and have a professional write her profile.
Week 4: watch Love U content about online dating and activate her Match profile.
Week 5: talk to me about all the responses that are now rolling in.
I hope you can see why this is a smart, systematic approach that removes Penelope’s fear and paralysis – and doesn’t ask her to abandon her other important projects.
You’re not going on a 24/7 husband hunt; you’re taking small, decisive actions that lead you to have an active love life. That’s all.
In related news, I got hired by Vanessa to help her find love in 2021. She, too, was a busy doctor, in the middle of renovating an apartment, running for the board of her co-op, and getting another medical certification, all while doing hot yoga 3x/week.
Here she is now:
Those aren’t her children. That’s her boyfriend and his family that’s embraced her.
Whatever excuse you have for not dating may be valid, but that doesn’t mean there’s no room for love in your life.
Love,
Evan
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* This article was originally published here
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