How My Sister Insulted Me When I Told Her I Was Writing a Book

Today I want to share the story of how my little sister, Daryl, met her husband, Dave.

Daryl was in her 20’s, living and dating in New York City. She’s very bright, sarcastic, and intolerant of “games” and B.S. As a result, Daryl had a rough go with the lawyers and bankers available to her in NYC. She decided to branch out.

She dated a cute guy in Minnesota, followed by a charming guy in Chicago, followed by a separated heartbreaker in New York.

All were impressive men. None lasted. Daryl decided to go on “guyatus”, as she was burned out on both New York and long-distance love affairs.

It was around that time that I wrote my first book, “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating”. Before I sent it to an agent, I wanted to get my bookish sister’s opinion on things.

The first thing Daryl said to me was, “Why would anybody read a book by YOU?”

The second thing she said to me was, “Online dating is creepy.”

I knew I‘d found my target audience.

Long story short:

• Daryl enjoyed my book – even though she thought she wouldn’t.
• She started dating online – even though she thought she wouldn’t.
• After a few years of trial and error – and being this close to quitting – Daryl tried a different website I’d recommended, Nerve.
• On a lark, she replied to a older, bald guy who wrote to her from San Francisco – even though she said she didn’t want to do long-distance again.
• 7 months later, she moved to San Francisco.
• 3 years later, the were married.

I’m only sharing this with you because my extremely bright sister, was WRONG about everything she firmly believed.

The only reason she went on her honeymoon in Bali is because she was open to the possibility that her beliefs weren’t 100% foolproof.

If you want to get a different result in your love life, you have to try a different method.

If you want to get a different result in your love life, you have to try a different method.

Click here to learn how my sister – and thousands of others – have used the Internet SUCCESSFULLY to find love:

Contrast Daryl’s story with Amy, a 42-year-old woman who reached out to me for dating coaching last week.

I like Amy. She’s successful, family-oriented, looks great for her age, and is an information seeker. After a few minutes, it was clear that had already read a lot of my work. 

I LOVE clients like this.

Except Amy didn’t become a client.

She didn’t become a client because Amy believed – based on her experiences – that there was nothing she could do differently. The real problem is everyone else.

“I’ve used JDate for 10 years. There’s nobody on there for me.” 

“It’s guys in Los Angeles. They’re Peter Pans who won’t settle down and are always looking for someone younger.”

“Men out here don’t appreciate someone with ethnic looks. They all want California blondes.” 

“I keep meeting men who are so messed up. They’re all out for sex. They don’t have any money. I’m not going to support a man.”

Can you appreciate Amy’s point of view? I sure can. It’s built on years and years of failure, frustration and disappointment.

Amy’s experience is REAL. As real as the nose on her face. And because it’s real, she also believes that it’s TRUE.

Then again, my sister truly believed that no one would read a book by me, that online dating was creepy, that long-distance relationships were doomed, and that men were all heartbreakers. That was her experience before meeting Dave.

I could easily refute Amy’s point of view – but she would rather hold onto it, believing that she’s “right”– than open up to a new way of dating like Daryl did.

And it’s a shame, because Amy has SO MUCH to give.

As a result, she loses sight of the fact that I’M a guy who dated on JDate, I’M a guy who prefers older women to younger women, I’M a guy who prefers brunettes to blondes, I’M a guy who looks young for my age. I’M a guy who wants to be a good husband and father.

And if I’M that kind of guy, it only stands to reason that there are thousands of others like me in Southern California.

Amy’s just not meeting them. And she will continue not meeting them…

Because her online dating profile and communication need improving.

Because her attitude about men needs adjusting.

Because her radar for “quality men” is really off.

Because she would rather hold onto her glass half-empty worldview and be “right” than try my glass half-full worldview which will create better results.

Instead, Amy is going to keep reading my advice and hope that Mr. Right  – an ethnic lover from another state – comes and fishes her out of her office.

As I said – I like Amy – but she’s going to be waiting for a while.

You don’t have to.

After only a few months of dating coaching, you can learn what thousands of women have learned before you – and receive the same empowering results.

Here’s what Kathryn had to say to me last week after learning the lessons in my  Finding the One Online program and starting her private coaching:

Evan, 

Wanted to let you know that your coaching session yesterday was great. While we were on the phone Bob emailed me again and we’re going to a fantastic restaurant Saturday night. He’s sounding more interesting by the minute. 

And, this morning I logged onto Match and three hot new guys emailed me, two of whom are local and want to meet me and the other one just wanted to tell me just how super hot I was. The two local guys were responding to my funny “Evan” emails which by now I may not be perfect at but they’re pretty terrific if I do say so myself.  I’ve never had three new guys email me in one day. Something must be in the air!! 

K 

Kathryn is 59-years-old and has 3 hot guys emailing her.

How do you think you can do with my guidance?

Click here to get started: 

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

p.s. Marie was close to giving up on finding love online, until she started doing it my way.

I felt defeated after numerous attempts on 3 online dating sites, (four years) going out dancing, at least 3 times a week, in general all my efforts were pretty sad. I wanted to understand how could I put into words that I am a simple person, not my outer beauty, focus on pulling in the one who “gets” me. I needed acceptance in the way online dating operates, the nature of the beast, learning the ability to stand out, what a challenge, but I stood out, thanks to you!

I have always been overwhelmed with responses, my delete key was showing signs of aging, LOL, then one day while vacationing in Rocky Point, Mexico, Byron sent me a response, pretty much the same one I always received, “OMG! your not 62! I graciously accepted his compliment and we have been contacting each other every day, numerous times day.

One quick note, he is 51, I always attract very young suitors, as young as 33, 47, 50 and even 60 and 70, Byron, is feeling like the “one”. …he is moving mountains to be with me, we live 130 miles apart…I am self-employed, he is a truck driver…go figure..

I felt like there is hope, this has been a four year process, talk about the clock ticking away :)….best investment for my heart…tears come to my eyes often, as I send you my deepest “THANK YOU!”…for being my teacher and I your student for the rest of my life…..age, distance, really!

Marie thinks she’s found “the one.”

Now it’s YOUR turn.

Click here to get started.

* This article was originally published here

The Secret To Having Fun While Dating. It’s Not So Secret…

Anna is a client who needs a hug (or three).

She’s 46, slim, attractive, successful – my typical client – but there’s a sadness about her. Maybe you can understand.

Anna didn’t picture her life turning out this way.

I mean, she always assumed she’d live up to her potential – the good grades, the nice home, the international travel – it’s that when she imagined her life at 46, she naturally assumed she’d be married with kids.

At this point, she’s accepted that the kids’ ship has sailed – she’s cool with being an aunt – but she still doesn’t see how all of her friends got married and she didn’t.

When Anna traces back the timeline, it becomes a little bit clearer:

She was just having fun in her early 30’s. That’s cool. Everybody was.

When Anna finally got serious about a man in her mid-30’s, he turned out to be the wrong guy. Which would have been fine.

Except she spent 3 years with him and 1 year mourning his departure.

After Anna finally got her head on straight, she decided to focus on the things she could control, the things that gave her joy, the things that couldn’t hurt her:

Work. Friends. Hobbies. Home. Family. Work.

So that’s what she did. For 6 years.

She put her head down, closed the door to love, and convinced herself she was happy.

Except she wasn’t.

It hurt her to admit that.

She wanted to be so strong.

She didn’t want to acknowledge that she wanted love, missed a man’s touch, cherished the idea of sharing a life with someone.

Any of this resonating with you?

After reading my materials for a year, Anna finally decided to take action.

She started with Why He Disappeared, graduated to Believe in Love, and eventually signed up for six months of Love U Masters Coaching.

Of course, Anna is one of those “most-likely-to-succeed” types.

She’s a good student, she’s extremely earnest, and she wants to get her gold star for a job well done. Most of all, she wants her investment to pay off.

Who can blame her?

Believe me, I want Anna to fall in love within the next 26 weeks as well.

But here’s the problem:

Anna is so intent on getting this right that she’s having about as much fun as someone studying statistics in order to get a math requirement filled for college.

Her instructions are no different than the ones I’ve offered you here:

• Get online for a half-hour each night.
• Respond to men using the methods from Finding the One Online.
• Update your favorites list and reach out to one new guy a day.
• Schedule 1 or 2 phone calls and 1 or 2 dates per week.

Yet week after week, Anna reports back that she hasn’t had time, hasn’t had the desire, is completely dispirited, wants to give up, is considering life as a nun.

She starts to cry.

I feel terrible.

I give Anna the virtual hug, the pep talk, the metaphors that allow her to come around to my way of thinking.

She momentarily feels better, but always falls back into her own patterns.

Her beliefs:

Dating isn’t worth it.
Dating is a waste of time.
Dating causes pain.
Dating is too much work.

Well, if that’s the way Anna feels, consider how that will dictate her results.

She will dread dating and avoid it as much as possible.

She will find flaws in men’s profiles so as not to have to engage with them.

She will take a long time to reply to other men because she’s too “busy.”

She will take any form of rejection personally, even though it’s not personal.

She will use the ups and downs of dating to justify why she doesn’t want to do it.

And there you have it: an airtight negative feedback loop. A self-fulfilling prophecy if there ever was one.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Not at all.

Dating is supposed to be fun!

You see, dating is supposed to be fun!

Really. It is. I swear.

And if “fun” is the last word you’d ever use to describe dating, I’d like to introduce you a recent Love U student, Monique.

A month ago, Monique was down in the dumps. She’d gotten hurt by some guy, her self-esteem was down, and she was feeling really negative about men and dating.

As I was writing today’s newsletter, she emailed me this.

“I forgot how much I love dating! You get to meet new people all the time and never know if there will be a connection or not. This round of dating I’ve been to the best Indian restaurant in Seattle, the Seattle Underground tour, had a spontaneous picnic on at Golden Gardens after a long walk on the beach, went to my first sock hop, Smash Putt (Putt Putt on crack), Bollywood dancing, numerous other meals, I’m now taking dance classes, Speed dating, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few of the others.

I don’t worry about who is going to pay. I don’t worry about kissing them. I don’t worry about if this is my future husband. I just want a good conversation and a time to get to know another human being. If things click, awesome! If not…Oh well! There are PLENTY of men out there.

Once I changed my mindset about dating I realized this is the most fun I’ve ever had. I know it can get hard out there, ladies, but if you just go and have fun without a bunch of crazy expectations you will look forward to dating.”

Seriously. I couldn’t have written something better myself.

Monique is the same exact person she was a month ago.

Seattle is the same city it was a month ago.

Men are the same as they’ll ever be.

And yet suddenly, this one 36-year-old woman is having the time of her life.

All because she chose to change her mindset.

I can’t say whether you’re like Anna or whether you’re like Monique.

Both are readers and I am committed to both of their successes.

But I think it’s obvious that Monique’s attitude is not only healthier for her, but objectively more attractive to men as well.

Men love happy women, confident women, and women who are not remotely worried about whether this date is going to result in a marriage proposal.

Take the pressure off yourself. Flirt with a bunch of guys online. Go on a date or two each week with no set of expectations. Commit yourself to simply having fun with the process.

Next thing you know, you’ll have men lining up to be your boyfriend.

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

If Monique’s story sounds like a minor miracle – as if I put the words into her mouth – let me assure you, it’s no miracle.

This is the kind of thing that happens every day in Love U.

Not only are hundreds of smart, strong, successful women getting advice from yours truly, but they’re doing it at a FRACTION of the cost of private coaching.

Click here to learn more.

And in case you weren’t familiar, Love U is my comprehensive, interactive, affordable relationship mastery course that teaches you everything you need to know to date with confidence and make smarter relationship choices that last a lifetime.

You’ve gone long enough without a man who treats you like gold and wants to commit.

Now it’s time to get him.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. How well does Love U work? Well, let’s just say I get a lot of emails like this:

Hey, Evan

I’ve got a boyfriend (as of last night). I was on OK Cupid for six weeks and have just pulled everything down. Six weeks. I was with another coach for years. Literally.

Thanks very, very much.

Lexi

Lexi took action. She joined Love U. She got results in six weeks.

Wouldn’t you like to be next?

* This article was originally published here

You Don’t Want Him Anyway

Let me tell you a true story about Alice.

But before I tell you about it, I want to share a little bit about Alice.

In her mid 30’s, very attractive, intelligent but not intimidating. Alice is a good person and a good catch.

The two things that she doesn’t trust? Men, and herself when she’s around men.

Thus, Alice never has trouble attracting guys; her trouble is in keeping them.

Does this sound like anyone you know? Nah. Didn’t think so…

Anyway, Alice recently started dating Dylan.

Dylan is tall. Dylan is hot. Dylan is creative. Dylan is confident. Dylan is experienced.

Basically, Dylan is all of the characteristics that Alice finds so rarely in one man, that when she happens upon such a guy, she HAS to have him.

Oh, and one other thing: Dylan is on the rebound from a relationship. Alice is the first person he’s been with since his breakup.

What follows is altogether too predictable.

Alice went out with Dylan and, barely able to contain her excitement, slept with him on the second date.

Dylan, still excited the next day, made overtures to follow up.

Alice, breathing a great sigh of relief, started treating Dylan as a boyfriend…

Which meant calls, emails, texts and demands to know where things were going…

Until, predictably, Dylan pulled the “slow fade”, where he didn’t fall completely out of touch, but became highly inaccessible.

A week had passed and now Alice was on the phone to me, wondering how she could get Dylan back.

(sound of record scratching)

“You want him BACK?” I asked.

“Yes! I don’t have this feeling about guys very often. I want it to last.”

“You mean the feeling of elation that comes with sleeping with a hot guy? Or the feeling of despair you have because he’s a player, he hasn’t called you and you don’t have any chance of having a successful long-term relationship with him?”

The silence on the other end was deafening. Yet Alice couldn’t disagree with me.

Dylan WAS a player. Dylan DID sleep with her right away. Dylan WASN’T ready for a relationship.

In fact, when Alice looked at it objectively, Dylan was kind of a selfish jerk for coming on so strong and pulling away so abruptly.

And yet here she was, reeling from raw emotion, begging me, her trusted dating coach, to help her GET THE SELFISH JERK BACK.

This is like giving the alcoholic just one more drink.

BAD idea.

I’m guessing you’ve had this bad idea yourself.

Some random cute guy breaks your heart and all you can do is beat yourself up and attempt to plot how to win him over once again.

What a colossal waste of time.

Because even if I were a Miracle Worker – even if I could concoct some magic potion that erased Dylan’s memory of Alice’s needy texts and planted a chip in his head that forced him to call her every day… you know what Alice would get in return?

A selfish, immature, emotionally unavailable player who is in no position to be a good boyfriend to ANYBODY.

Thus, as far as I’m concerned, Dylan gave Alice a gift – the gift of freedom.

There is no potential of a future with a man who has shown no desire to commit.

The freedom to cut the cord quickly because there is no potential of a future with a man who has shown no desire to commit.

Look back in your past and consider how much time you wasted on men like this.

Realize, at this moment, that you’ll NEVER have to do that again.

If you want to make healthy choices with men – and break free from pining for those selfish unavailable guys, my book, Why He Disappeared, is for you.

In just 133 pages, you’ll close the book on the bad men in your past, and forge a healthy relationship with a man who knows the meaning of the word commit.

Click here to attract a kind, normal, unselfish, relationship-oriented man.

I look forward to hearing about your amazing results!

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. Shawna decided she’d had enough of wasting her time on the wrong men. This is what she has to say two years into her dream relationship.

I’m writing this from the kitchen of the new house my boyfriend bought us on Monday, on our 2-year anniversary. This kitchen is where he gave me a stunning, colorless, flawless solitaire that same day, so I guess he is now my fiance’! I couldn’t have dreamed a more perfect day.

To say that I had trust issues in dating before I read your book or your blog is an understatement. At the first sign of real or perceived mistreatment or imperfection in dating, I would run, and sometimes I would stay way too long. I believed I needed a man to be a certain way, a certain height, a certain profession.

Then two years ago, after reading “Why He Disappeared” I met my now-future husband. On our first date he was really, really late. Instead of being annoyed, I smiled warmly and hugged him. He still says that that put him at such ease and he couldn’t believe how easy going I was. I maintained that easygoing nature through nearly everything because he is worth that and I want to be a safe haven for him and not someone he wants to run away from. I kept in mind your description of your first date with your wife when things didn’t go as planned. I learned to measure character instead of height, and kindness instead of career. He treats me so kindly, has such a wonderful heart, and I don’t think I’ve opened a door myself in the last two years when I am by his side. I didn’t realize that love and companionship could have such ease.

In the times that we did struggle in our relationship, it was because I was letting external opinions influence me. I would compare our relationship to my friends’ relationships and I thought we fell short, or we weren’t enough. I would listen to a friend who follows the rules in dating tell me that if a man really cared, he would buy jewelry for special events, and I would feel inferior if I didn’t receive jewelry, even though every gift he gave me was so thoughtful and generous. Last Christmas, no fewer than six friends said they expected us to get engaged and when we didn’t, I was disappointed, even though I was happy with where we were in our relationship at the time. But all of these things showed that I was out to prove something to other people and it had nothing at all to do with us, and we are all that mattered. So I stopped comparing. I stopped mistrusting. I stopped running and I stayed. I said, “Yes,” to everything and finally, I was able to say, “Yes,” to everything about our future, including marriage.

In your book, “Why He Disappeared” I learned so much about the mistakes I made in previous relationships. In the last two years, I took all I learned from you and learned even more from my boyfriend. I learned why he stays. He stays because I was kind to him that first day we met, I am flexible with pretty much every plan, I choose my battles carefully and am direct when I need to be, I love him like no other and I speak highly of him in public and in private. I’m sure there’s more, but you get it. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my very grateful, very full, very engaged heart.

Shawna

If you want to write me an email like Shawna’s from your very own love-pad, click here and let’s make it happen!

* This article was originally published here

Do You Find You’re Attracted To The Wrong Men?

Do you find that you’re attracted to the “wrong” people? Do you ever wonder why you’re drawn in a direction that isn’t healthy for you? Do you ever wonder what you can do differently?

If so, keep reading, and you’ll see how simple it is to turn your love life around.

Click here to see how to work with me privately.

I love getting emails from you. I really do.

Because when you’re open with me, I’m open with you, and together, we can create magic.

I was reminded of the magic when I got a call from a private client.

She was telling me about how she’s always been a magnet for the wrong men.

She’s a strong, successful woman, and she likes alpha males. Charismatic, successful, charming, handsome, you know the type…

Except there are two problems:

1) Alpha males generally don’t like her.

2) The alpha males that do like her have some serious issues. They’re workaholics. They’re selfish. They’re narcissistic. They don’t make her feel special. They’re unable to commit. They’re always trying to get their way.

In other words, they’re alpha males.

My client couldn’t help but be drawn to these guys even though she knew that these guys are toxic for her. “I can’t help what I’m attracted to”, she’d say.

But after 40 some-odd years of failure, she realized that something had to shift. Charisma is attractive, but if it’s not coupled with kindness and commitment, who really cares?

She finally started to open up to “nice guys”. And she’s starting to see the light.

Now, you probably know – and routinely reject – nice guys. Their greatest faults are these: they’re too easygoing, they’re always trying to please, they don’t seem manly enough, and they’re not going to put up an argument because they want you to be happy.

How awful!

Contrast that with the flaws of the alpha male – who can be condescending, aloof, emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic, and self-obsessed.

Hmm…which guy seems like a better bet?

I know – but there’s this FEELING of ATTRACTION when you’re around an alpha male. And it draws you in every time. Why can’t one of these guys turn into your husband?

Well, you can never say never, but don’t you think that if alpha males were really good long-term prospects, you’d have landed one by now?

I want you to look back into your own dating history and replay all your most meaningful relationships.

If you’re anything like me, you’re at peace with your past. You can see why you dated certain people at certain times, but there’s really not anybody that you’d take back.

That’s the way it should be.

If you DO have someone you’d consider taking back, ask yourself if you’d take them back as they were – or would you take them back only in an idealized fantasy way?

Generally, you’d only be inclined to take the people back who DUMPED you. When your feelings are so strong, they don’t just disappear once the relationship ends.

I remember feeling like a couple of my girlfriends could walk on water. I would have done anything for them. But one dumped me after 6 months. The other dumped me after 3. And while both women were certainly impressive, I definitely overestimated them.

I want you to think about a person that you loved who hurt you. I’m not saying that this person is bad. I’m saying that you’ve given that person WAY too much credit.

First of all, your future spouse doesn’t DUMP you. Right there, that’s a character flaw. If relationships are about feeling safe and accepted, it’s hard to feel that when you’ve been dumped. You still might be in love, but that doesn’t mean that this is a good long-term prospect for you.

Second of all, your strong positive feelings usually cover up the negative ones. Which is how you could be genuinely in love with someone who is verbally abusive, who doesn’t call, who tells you how you need to change, and who isn’t emotionally available.

Looking back, if I had MARRIED some of the women that I THOUGHT I wanted to marry, I’d have ended up with partners who were selfish, jealous, temperamental, and judgmental.

I didn’t realize this until years later, when comparing them to my fiancé. Maybe I was less “whipped” on my fiancé, but she was far less selfish, jealous, temperamental and judgmental than my exes. In other words, she was a much better match for me.

When you’re insanely attracted to someone, you tend to ignore the bad qualities.

When you’re insanely attracted to someone, you tend to ignore the bad qualities.

And if you end up MARRYING that person out of attraction or lust, well, guess what – you’ve bought those bad qualities for life. Congratulations on your passionfest. Have fun fighting.

Believe it or not, I’m not here to tell you that all alpha males are jerks and commitmentphobes. I WILL tell you, however, that the alpha qualities that attract you are the very things that create conflict in your life. Alpha males assert their wills, work hard, play hard, like to conquer, and have enough ego to fuel a rocketship.

You have to be willing to be #2 with an alpha.

And if you’re not wired that way – if you’re looking for true equality – you’re a lot better off finding and appreciating a man who wants equality as well.

That would be the nice guy who doesn’t excite you as much.

We spend so much time looking for someone who dazzles us and not enough time looking for someone who is dazzled by us.

Partnership is about finding someone who thinks YOU’RE worth sacrificing for. If you’re the one making all the sacrifices because he’s too stubborn or egomaniacal, you’re just going to build up a lot of resentment.

Attraction and chemistry are great relationship starters, but compatibility and compromise are the things that allow you to sustain it.

So instead of going for the short-term sugar high that always results in the same exact crash, start thinking of what’s healthiest for you in the long-run.

Chances are it’s not the guy you’re most “attracted” to.

It’s probably the guy you’re most compatible with.

Click here to learn how to find the RIGHT partner for you.

Warmest wishes.

Your friend,

Evan

Here’s what other private coaching clients have gotten out of working with me. You could be next!

“Hi Evan,

Thanks for following up on my relationship status. Things did not work out with David, the first man you helped me meet on JDate, but the night I broke up with him, I renewed my subscription. Within a month, I had met my beshert. All because you told me to never quit.

I am happier than I have ever been -I love my work and my love.”

Thank you!

Jill, 52, San Francisco

Click here to get that healthy relationship you deserve!

* This article was originally published here

From Now On, You’ll Make No Mistakes

I have the privilege of talking to some pretty extraordinary women each day.

Maggie is 40, African-American, worldly, classy, and, by her own admission, not that great at the guy thing.

Susie is 37, thin, accomplished, smart, and very frustrated at how few men she finds interesting on Match.

And even though they live in different parts of the country, have different political outlooks (and skin colors), they asked me the same exact question last week:

“What if I end up with the wrong guy? What if I end up like my married friends who feel alone and trapped? What if there isn’t a happy ending to my story?”

This is a common fear and I applaud both of them for sharing it with me…

But that doesn’t mean that it’s a well-founded one.

“First of all”, I pointed out, “you’re different than your currently married friends… Do you know how?”

It was quickly illustrated to me that most of these married women coupled up when they were in their mid to late twenties.

It’s not that these friends were necessarily stupid or shallow. It’s not that their husbands are all selfish jerks and wanna-be players.

It’s simply that you don’t know a FRACTION as much about life at age 27 as you do at age 32. And you don’t know a FRACTION as much about life at 32 as you do at 40.

Those are really important years for personal growth and self-development.

So let’s get things really straight:

You can’t be jealous of your married friends unless you actually want to date their husbands.

You can’t be jealous of your married friends for having “figured it out” if they’re unhappily coupled up.

You can’t be afraid of making the same mistakes as your married friends, because you are not a naïve 24-year-old girl who is following her passion blindly and “just knows” that she and her husband have what it takes to make it forever.

That woman is now 40-years-old and having serious second thoughts about things.

Maybe she’s already divorced. Maybe she’s just thinking about it.

Maybe she’s evolved as a person and he’s stayed the exact same way.

Maybe she thought that having kids would bring them closer and all it’s done is divide them even further.

Maybe her husband feels that he didn’t have enough experience with women because he married so young and he’s cheated on her.

These are all commonplace things that happen to young couples that don’t have the wisdom to make smart decisions that will last 40 years. You know the divorce percentage for couples that got married before 25 years old? 75%.

“So,” I tell Maggie and Susie, “it is literally IMPOSSIBLE for you to unlearn what you’ve learned since you’re 27-years-old. As such, you will certainly not stumble into a similar situation with a man.”

I’d swear I heard them sigh in relief.

“Furthermore,” I rumbled, in my best speechifying tone, “you have one other thing that your friends did not have… ME!”

They both laughed at my intentional self-aggrandizement.

But they didn’t dispute it.

“The entire point of our work together is to give you all the tools to make good decisions with men for the rest of your life. To show you how to market yourself online, how to be a great first date, how to understand men during the dating process, how to deal with sex and intimacy, how to play it cool when you’re feeling insecure, how to avoid wasting time with bad guys and how to invest in keepers… Once you understand all of this – once you learn the most effective practices for dealing with men – you will never, ever, EVER lay awake at night, wondering what happened and what you could have done differently. You literally CANNOT fail after working with me.”

Yeah, I believe in myself a little.

But it’s really not about me. It’s about Maggie. And Susie. And you.

Instead of being fearful that you’re going to end up in a bad marriage with the wrong guy, take heart that you have experience, you have wisdom, and you are going to make only good decisions with men from this day forward.

Your constant fears result in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When it comes to dating, years of “failure” take their toll on your self-confidence. I get that – but most the time, your constant fears result in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In chapter 4 of my book “Believe in Love,” I show you step-by-step how to overcome your irrational fears and self-sabotaging behavior.

Click here to read it today.

You’re a smart, strong, successful, beautiful woman, and there are thousands of guys who would do ANYTHING to become your boyfriend.

You just need to believe it yourself.

The women who succeed in love are the ones who want it the most.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. Marianne was very forthcoming with her thanks after reading Believe in Love:

Truly Evan, I have to thank you a million times!

Before I bought Believe in Love I was desperate, clueless and sad! After one not so good marriage and one long bad relationship, I had a few short relationships in between and have been through men that really sucked, alcoholics, one psychopath and the other mentally ill or emotionally disturbed in other ways. The latest relationship almost broke me financially as well. I couldn’t figure out why I picked those men and really I thought it was my fault alone. At 50 I realized I didn’t want to live alone, but to live with such men was not an option either. I tried hard to find a new man, but the good ones just disappeared or didn’t really step up.

At the lowest I found myself buying in on a man that ultimately from the beginning said he wouldn’t marry nor did he like me that way. It crashed of course. So, heartbroken (again) and at the lowest point in myself esteem I realized something has to change big time.

I went online found you and started to listen. I realized that I had done lots of mistakes and probably drove any sane man away with my desperate, controlling and over doing attitude. After all, I am a business woman with drive and I know what I want and how to get it. I also knew that I am a catch, warm, sensitive and kind, but nothing of that came through. So, after listening to your e-books and interviews I changed my profile online.

One week after that, I meet a man, CEO at a big company, a man with drive but still with a gentle heart and big love for his family. I used your advice and leaned back and let him drive. I truly was the best myself and let the rest up to him and the universe. I let go of the needy stuff and trusted in the process. And, sure enough I got a new date with him and the next one too. He says he loves the way I make him feel. He likes me and so far so good!

Of course I have days that scare me, when he is silent and I get desperate and think the worst. But then I listen to you again and your soothing voice and advice makes me feel calm and confident again. And I know that he would be crazy not to have me cause I am a catch and he can’t find anyone like me.

Today he is planning my birthday as it is coming up next week and he is so sweet and endearing in doing this so I can’t help myself feeling big love for him. It has been almost two months now so I am still working with your advice and trying not to destroy this good thing, but sometimes you just have to go with the moment and just be there. The only thing we can be sure on is now and here!

I feel so good! Best in many, many years! And the best of all is that you gave me hope in life back!

Thank You!

Marianne

If you want a dating breakthrough like Marianne, click here and make it happen!

* This article was originally published here

An Interview with Evan Marc Katz on Ashley Stahl’s YouTurn Podcast

I generally have a belief that, as we get older, we get smarter.

After all, there’s no substitute for life experience, and can’t we all look back at ourselves from 5-10 years ago and wince at how little we seemed to know?

As we get older, we get smarter.

Ashley Stahl is an exception to that rule.

At 33, Ashley has already accomplished more than many do in a lifetime.

Working for the Pentagon at age 23. Giving a TED talk. Becoming a career coach. Making millions. And, recently, falling in love and writing a book…

Ashley and I found each other a few years ago and became fast friends. She’s one of the only people I turn to for business advice because she’s simply better at it than I am.

And when she asked me to guest on her popular You Turn Podcast this summer, I couldn’t resist. She’s so personable, authentic, and curious, I knew we’d have a blast.

When a millennial interviews someone from GenX, you know magic is in the air!

During our conversation, Ashley and I discuss:

• The differences between men and women.
• The universality and skill to online dating.
• The importance of healthy communication.
• How to be more intentional, take action and listen to your heart when it comes to love.

I love Ashley and her positive energy and I’m thrilled that she shared her huge platform with me. Now, I share her with you.

Click here to listen to my interview with Ashley.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

* This article was originally published here

You Don’t Make Time When You Meet the Right Guy; You Make Time to FIND Him

Amber is 34, attractive, smart, free-spirited, creative and spiritual…

That’s the good part

The bad part?

She works 80 hours a week, wants to date only men in the film industry, considers herself very choosy…and she very much wants to have a family.

How many core Evan Marc Katz dating principles could she violate at once?

Let’s count.

She’s very choosy – and doesn’t want to open up her boundaries to other men the way I have, my wife has and my sister has.

She refuses to date online – it’s creepy and unnatural and definitely not for people who think outside the box like Amber.

She wants to date another Hollywood person – because only they can understand her passion for movies. Her dream is to make films with her husband.

She wants to date another spiritual guy – once again, only they can understand her.

She definitely doesn’t want to actively look for a guy. She wants love to be organic.

Got it.

Let’s crack this open, blind spot by blind spot, but first I want to give you the opportunity to see E-Cyrano Profile writing services. If you don’t have to read all the way to the end, click here now.

First of all, Amber’s biggest problem is that she wants to date herself with a penis.

(Yes, she laughed when I said this, and no, she didn’t deny it.)

The thing is that there aren’t many cute, successful, passionate, stable, spiritual, family-oriented, ready-to-settle-down, young filmmakers in Hollywood.

Many of those filmmakers – and remember, I was one of them – are often arrogant, narcissistic, selfish, highly emotional, particular, fickle, depressed, flighty artists.

And the handful of men that do qualify may not be as cute, or as spiritual, or successful, or as family-oriented as Amber wants.

So Amber has two choices: hold out for her perfect fictional guy (who has only good qualities, but none of the bad ones), or compromise on something.

You already know what she chooses to do.

Thankfully, Amber’s attractive. She gets hit on by men all the time. She rejects most of them, but every once in awhile she lets someone in.

The current man she’s seeing is wonderful and she connects with him on many levels. Except he’s already told her that he doesn’t want to get married or have kids.

Predictable.

Of course, Amber’s still seeing him, or whatever it means to date someone when you’re already working 80 hours a week.

Does it sound like I’m being harsh on Amber? Or am I merely pointing out what’s obvious?

Her actions and her goals aren’t aligned.

She wants to date a man who wants kids, but she spends her time dating men who don’t.

She wants to settle down and find love, but she relies on a bunch of independent filmmakers as her dating pool – the same dating pool that has led to her being single at age 34.

And then there’s what she said to me next, which drove me to write this email:

“When I meet the man of my dreams, of course I’ll make time for him!”

(By the way, she said this without a shred of irony. So I’ll repeat:)

“When I meet the man of my dreams, of course I’ll make time for him!”

Got it.

In the meantime, however, Amber is going to work 80 hours a week, only bothering to hook up with cute, spiritual guys who want to be the next Spielberg

She won’t give me a half-hour a day to date online.

She won’t give up her dream of making movies with her husband.

All she knows is that when he comes along, she’s going to reprioritize.

This is patently ridiculous.

No different than “when the right job comes along, then I’m going to start working hard”, or “when the weight melts off, I’m going to start working out.

Amber’s got the order backward!

You don’t “make time for the right guy”, you make time to MEET the right guy.

If you don’t make time to meet him – to go on Match, to go to parties, to schedule a date every weekend – there will be no right guy to make time for!

So, please, don’t fall into the trap that Amber has.

Make time for love and love will make time for you.

Make time for love and love will make time for you.

Set up a brilliant profile on Match, log on for a half-hour a day, flirt with 7 to 10 guys at a time, and you’ll be on your way.

And if that all sounds a bit daunting and you want a roadmap on how to do it, I’ve got it for you.

First step, get yourself an e-Cyrano profile.

You talk. We write. The results are magical.

And soon, you can write me an email that sounds a little something like this

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I just LOVE my profile!!!!!!!! 🙂 It feels so very much like me and I am very proud and excited to be uploading it to my online service.

You really captured my essence and the things that are important to me. I love how you’ve crafted and included so much detail from all those stories and our conversation. I don’t know how you managed to do it in so few words, but you did

Thanks for everything! You my friend, you are super-genius and I’m deeply appreciative of what you’ve done for me. Lucky, lucky clients who can work with you in the future.

If you ever, ever come visit Portland again, please look me up. 🙂

Thanks!

Teresa

Thousands of women have already done it and found love.

You can, too.

Warmest wishes and much love.

Your friend,

Evan

* This article was originally published here

The Biggest Problem with the Last Guy Who Broke Your Heart

I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.

It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.

The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.

I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that wasn’t ready to commit to you.

This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.

But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.

Because you weren’t the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped.

It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn’t mean you love him any less.

This exact scenario happened recently with my Love U client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.

They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and entered into an exclusive relationship. Two and a half months later, he broke things off.

Said he wasn’t feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn’t her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.

So Wanda has remained friends with her ex – and has remained in love with him as well.

Needless to say, it’s extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to her ex. It’s not that she’s wrong; Wanda can’t help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, “in love” feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.

But should it?

Hell, no!

Wanda’s is wondering about how to get him back. She’s hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She’s “dating” but not really giving herself to the process.

In other words, she is pining for a man who does not love her unconditionally.

Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you’ve probably done the same thing.

It may be normal. It may be human. But it’s sure not healthy – especially if you aspire to the delight, passion and safety of a truly happy marriage.

If you’re still holding onto a man from your past, my program, Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever will show you how to instantly let go.

Don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally?

But let me ask you: don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally?

Wouldn’t you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who’s going to spend his life with you? I sure do.

In fact, if I’m building the perfect man, I’m starting there and working backwards:

1) Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part.

2) Second most important quality: Everything else – height, weight, age, income, education, etc.

Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn’t want to commit to you.

Well, guess what?

That guy SUCKS!

Your future husband DOESN’T leave you.

Your boyfriend’s willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.

And yet you’re holding onto an idealized image of him – hoping he comes back.

Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn’t love you unconditionally?

Face it; your ex isn’t as great for you as you think he is. It’s not that he’s a bad guy. It’s not that you didn’t have a genuine special connection. It’s that, in practice, he’s a terrible life partner – for one very specific reason:

He was willing to let you go.

Now it’s time for you to let him go.

Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.

Only then can you open up to true love – the kind that endures forever.

If you’re done pining over your selfish ex who didn’t fully appreciate you, you must read Why He Disappeared.

In it, I give you an in-depth understanding into the kind of man you want to attract and keep in your life. Starting from the moment you begin reading, you’ll begin to learn surprising concepts about men, that will transform the way you interact with them forever.

I can’t wait to hear how your life transforms!

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. Donna married her soul mate in June, and had this to say about Why He Disappeared.

Dear Evan,

You probably get many emails letting you know that the advice you give in your books and blogs works, but I figure it couldn’t hurt to hear one more. (I am also the woman you spoke with on the phone last spring asked to be let out of the phone coaching arrangement because I misunderstood the true cost of that service.) I also have to give credit to Arielle Ford’s book “The Soulmate Secret” which helped me begin my transformation that allowed me to attract the right man to me.

Long story short: I met an incredible man last spring on JDate and we are getting married at the end of June. I could not be happier or feel more sure about this.

My story:

I was approaching 49 had been divorced for 13 years. I had several longer-term relationships, but they obviously were not right. I also have to admit that the majority of the men left me. Looking back, I realize that none of those men would have been right. So what changed?–mostly me and my way of looking at the world and at dating. I also made a pledge to myself that no matter what happened in my dating experience, from this point forward, I would not get cynical.

Your e-book “Why He Disappeared” allowed me to realize that in many ways I was looking for a male “me” and being too critical about the wrong things. I was also closing myself off to men who were older than 7 years than myself (my fiancé is 11 years older than myself, but has more energy than me!). So when “James” contacted me on JDate and acknowledged that he was outside of my age range (he was 59 and I was 48), but stated that his dad was 92- I told myself “be open.” And as I reviewed his profile, I realized that we had many things in common.

The second most important thing I did was to go about dating differently. I listened to one of the Attracting the One online- audio seminars where you said that the purpose of online dating was to ensure that you went on only good dates. So when James immediately asked me if I would like to go for a walk, I asked him instead some questions in email and we had more email rapport which got me more interested. Then I suggested that we talk on the phone, which went well- so by the time we finally met 2 weeks later, we had a very natural and good date. (And when he proposed to me, he re-created our first date!) I must admit that when we first met, there were no sparks for me, but it was certainly pleasant. I could tell he was a good man — he even offered to help me pack as I was moving to a new house the following week. (A house which I bought with the intention of having it be large enough to accommodate another person—a two car garage and bathroom double sink. As it turns out, James has moved into my, now our home.) We took things slow, and as I got to know him, he consistently showed me how dependable, kind, capable, communicative and loving he truly was and by the end of June, I was in love with him.

This has been the easiest and most fulfilling relationship of my life. I was always envious of women who seemed to have relationships where they felt mutually adored and deeply loved….but no more!

Donna

It’s about time you had a breakthrough like Donna. And I’m going to be right by your side, just as I was with her.

Click here to learn more.

* This article was originally published here

You’re Doing Everything Right, Just in the Wrong Order

I hope you’re having a great fall. I sure am.

Because of my good fortune in love, I’m always thinking of my greater mission:

Helping smart, strong, successful women understand men and make healthy relationship choices.

It sounds simple and straightforward and yet there are millions of women who struggle to do those very things. I hear your struggle, in some form, every single day.

I was thinking about this after a recent flurry of client applications.

Before I take on any new client, I’ll spend a good 45 minutes on the phone to make sure that working together is the right decision – for both of us.

It took 43-year-old Bonnie two of these long phone calls to get comfortable.

I don’t blame her. Since she’s making a sizable investment in her future, I want to be able to remove all of her doubts and get on the same page about our partnership.

Thankfully, these free consultations are very revealing. I learned a lot about Bonnie that we’ll be able to work on over the next three months as it pertains to dating.

First of all, I learned that Bonnie is a workaholic. She has three different companies and divides her time between all of them. It’s no surprise she doesn’t have much time for men.

Next, I learned that Bonnie, despite being confident, doesn’t always conduct herself that way on dates. Her demeanor was far more insecure than you’d expect from such an accomplished woman. I have no doubt that some of this is apparent on dates as well.

Third, I learned that Bonnie is a serial monogamist. I understand serial monogamists very well – I even married one. But one of the things about women who are always in relationships is that they have a propensity to see the good in men. In general, this is a positive trait. The downside is that serial monogamists tend to forgive men for unforgivable traits – lack of communication, different long-term goals, emotional unavailability. That’s how Bonnie – and perhaps even you – get stuck in dead-end relationships.

Interestingly, the biggest takeaway I had from my two sessions with Bonnie was something that I think may very well apply to you. So…

If you’re a spiritual woman…

If you’ve “done your work”…

If you believe in the Universe or the Law of Attraction…

If you are a woman who has vowed to “never settle”…

You’re quite likely falling into the same trap as Bonnie.

You’ve dated around, learned a bunch, and now you’re “ready”.

You’ve read a bunch of self-help books that advise you to imagine your ideal man.

You make a list.

You read it like a mantra.

You put positive energy out there.

You try to manifest your soulmate.

A few months later, it’s not working.

A few years later, it’s not working.

What in God’s name is going on?! How did all these love gurus steer you wrong?

The answer is very simple.

You got the order backwards.

You created a list of 20 must-have traits and spent years trying to find a guy to fill it.

When what you should have been doing is dating a bunch of men, and seeing which of them is so great that you don’t even worry about your original list.

Want to find love FAST? Sick of waiting for the Universe to provide?

Follow these steps and you’ll be in a happy relationship before you can imagine.

1) Start dating online.

(Because the Universe doesn’t bring many guys to your front door)

2) Realize your old way isn’t working and try online dating my way.

(It’s called Finding the One Online and it’s f-ing brilliant!)

3) Notice you suddenly have more men and higher quality men courting you.

(All because you made a proactive effort to seek out dates.)

4) Go on a date or two every single week.

(After screening out 7 subpar candidates via email and phone.)

5) Discover that you really enjoy the company of one guy, in particular.

(The conversation was easy. You laughed a bunch. You had fun.)

6) Realize that this guy is equally excited about you.

(Because he follows up to make plans with you the very next day.)

7) Go out with him on a second date. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth.

(Plus, enjoy the foreplay that goes along with it!)

8) Delight in his offer to take his profile down and become exclusive.

Congratulations, you have a boyfriend!

But here’s the really cool part…

That dream list of 20 things you made to describe your soulmate?

Your new boyfriend has maybe 13 of them.

And you know what? It’s okay that he doesn’t have everything on that list.

You’re happy.

That’s the whole point of life.

In fact, that’s the whole point of today’s email.

Instead of spending year after year, hoping to meet a man who fulfills a magical wish list that you think will make you happy, reverse the order:

Go out with a bunch of guys.

See who makes you happy.

When you find a guy who does, you can forget your list.

That’s exactly what I did.

My original list would have had “masters degree”, “high income”, “secular Jewish”, “never married”, “intellectually curious” and so on.

But upon dating my wife, I realized that those qualities, while attractive, don’t make much of a difference in my day-to-day happiness.

If anything, I was confused because my wife didn’t conform to my list.

That’s right:

The LIST was causing my strife. My WIFE was making me happy.

So, instead of trying to force your partners to conform to some made-up list, throw out your list and try a bunch of guys on for size.

See who fits. Who looks good. Who feels good.

Appreciate the things he does bring to the table instead of focusing on what he doesn’t bring to the table.

Whoever it is – and it’ll surprise you – appreciate the things he does bring to the table instead of focusing on what he doesn’t bring to the table.

This is the secret to dating and I’m giving it to you for free.

But if the real problem is that you NEVER MEET MEN, well, you’re gonna have to do something differently.

In Finding the One Online, I outline literally every single thing you have to do to find success in online dating – from choosing a site, to writing a username, to constructing a one-of-a-kind profile, to flirting with guys and making them respect your boundaries.

It’s a comprehensive and powerful program, with all the material of private coaching at 1/60th the price.

Click here to learn more.

Just know that you can do everything right, but if you get the order wrong, it’s never gonna happen for you.

Ditch the list. Don’t wait for the universe. Create your own love life.

Be happy.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. Wondering if online dating can really work for you? It does for all of my other clients, including Janie, who bought “Finding the One Online” a few months ago:

I’ve always disliked self-help books, but from the moment I started reading Finding the One Online, I felt you were talking to me. Your advice is direct and straightforward… and, as a type A personality, sometimes hard to hear. Giving up control – wow. Following his lead. Making sure he feels good, secure, trusted. The first thing I did was get help writing my profile from one of your fantastic e-Cyrano writers. The very next day after I posted it, I had an email from the man I am now dating. First I opened “Finding the One Online” and responded appropriately – thank you! He is smart, loving, funny, a perfect travel partner, and really wonderful. I have never been in such a lovely relationship. I feel secure, cherished, and happy every day. I never stopped reading your books, and checked up on myself often. Yesterday, my man brought roses to celebrate the anniversary of our first kiss. How romantic is that? Your advice was a beautiful gift!

Janie

It’s time to stop reading testimonials and start living them.

Click here to learn how to create a powerful love life from scratch.

* This article was originally published here

Why You’ll Have a Happier Marriage if You Understand Men

As a dating coach, I try to teach concepts that aren’t blatantly obvious.

Relationship advice for men tends to focus on building up attraction – how to make more money, how to have a better body, how to make the first move.

That’s what will GET you a woman’s attention; it’s not what will keep you in a happy relationship. More money and better bodies don’t equate to compatibility.

If I were a coach for men, I’d teach them what women want but often neglect when choosing their partners: the importance of listening, validating, checking in regularly, and making you feel safe, heard, and understood.

Alas, I’m a coach for women.

And if conventional self-help for women consists of telling you to lose weight, apply makeup for better selfies, master these 7 hot techniques in bed, and “love yourself,” I’m going to teach something else: the importance of making men feel accepted, appreciated and admired – as opposed to constantly criticized.

It’s the disconnect – and the belief that the opposite sex is “wrong” when they disagree with us – that causes a lot of friction.

Enter the latest validating article by Stephanie Coontz about how gay marriages are happier and healthier than straight marriages. No surprise. Women understand women better. Men understand men better. It’s the disconnect – and the belief that the opposite sex is “wrong” when they disagree with us – that causes a lot of friction.

Coontz focuses on gender roles at home as the source of disconnect but I think it neatly overlaps with what I wrote above. If a man comes home from work and expects his working wife to have dinner on the table AND to do the dishes afterward, he is certainly not making her feel “understood.” And if a man DOES cut the vegetables and does the dishes but only hears that he did both “wrong,” he’s not going to feel particularly “accepted.”

It’s about finding a balance and fairness that works for both members of a couple. If a wife is constantly swallowing her feelings about the emotional labor of running a house and the man is constantly being told that his best efforts to help out are never enough, you can see why a more egalitarian homosexual relationship may be a little easier.

“The researchers John Gottman and Robert Levenson found that gays and lesbians who discussed a disagreement with their partner did so in less belligerent, domineering and fearful ways than different-sex individuals, possibly because they did not bring the same history of power inequalities to the table. Same-sex couples used more affection and humor while discussing their disagreements, became less agitated and calmed down more quickly afterward than different-sex couples.

Even in ordinary daily interactions, people in same-sex unions use more positive methods of influencing a partner, studies find, than individuals in different-sex partnerships, offering encouragement and praise rather than criticism, lectures or appeals to guilt.”

And it’s not just men who are at fault here. “Women, for instance, have long been socialized to believe that providing and receiving emotional support is a routine obligation in partnerships, something that, like putting food on the table, must be done every day. The University of Texas sociologist Debra Umberson says that women tend to be “all in” when it comes to anticipating, reading and responding to their partner’s emotional and physical needs.” That’s a lot of emotional work – especially for a man who doesn’t have the same emotional needs – which is to say, most of them.

Please read the original article, which is long, thoughtful, and well researched, and let me know: do you think it would be easier to date the same sex? Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

 

* This article was originally published here