You Don’t Have to Do Everything Yourself

Maybe you’ve been single for a long time.

Maybe you got divorced and had no choice but to rebuild your life on your own.

Either way, you learned something valuable: you can take care of yourself.

You built your career. You paid the bills. You made the decisions. You solved the problems. You got shit done without waiting for a man to come along and rescue you.

That’s a strength.

But there’s a strange thing that happens when you’ve been self-sufficient for a long time: you know exactly how you like things done.

You’ve spent years making your own decisions, solving your own problems, and trusting your own judgment. So when someone else takes the wheel, it can be tempting to keep one hand on it.

He offers to choose the restaurant, but you end up choosing it.

He plans the weekend, but you revise the itinerary.

He handles something around the house, but you redo it afterward.

Of course your opinion matters. You should have preferences. You should speak up when something matters to you.

But what if everything matters to you?

If every decision has to be done your way, eventually there’s no room for his way.

Can you let him make a decision you wouldn’t have made? Can you let him solve a problem differently than you would? Can you accept “good” without insisting on “my way”?

Because when you repeatedly take over, correct, or redo what he does, the message he receives isn’t simply, “She has an opinion.” It’s: “She doesn’t trust me.”

Over time, a man who doesn’t feel trusted stops taking initiative. And nobody thrives in a relationship where they feel like they’re constantly being supervised or judged.

This doesn’t mean lowering your standards or pretending not to care when something matters. figuring out what matters enough to speak up about—and letting the rest go. It means recognizing the difference between “wrong”and “not the way I would have done it.”

Maybe he picks a different restaurant.

Maybe he takes a different route.

Maybe he loads the dishwasher like a psychopath.

So what?

Part of being in a relationship is letting someone else have a say. Letting him make decisions. Letting him do things differently than you would, even when you’re pretty sure your way is better.

And when a good man does something thoughtful for you, let it land. Let him experience the satisfaction of making you happy.

I’ve said for years that men want to feel needed and appreciated. That doesn’t mean becoming helpless so a man can feel powerful. It means giving a good man room to matter.

You’ve already proven that you can thrive without a partner.

A relationship asks something different of you: to create a life where you’re both happier together.

Listen to my latest podcast for more on how appreciation can bring out the best in the man you love.

Love,

Evan

* This article was originally published here