What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid to Fail?

I’m very emotional today. And when I’m emotional, I have to write about it. And somehow tie it back to dating and relationship advice. So here goes:

The New York Knicks won the NBA Title for the first time in 53 years. I’m 53 years old. I’m from New York. Their journey is my journey. As you’ll see, their journey is also your journey. 

This is a team that has failed in ways, big and small, for decades. Sometimes, they lost due to bad luck (going against Michael Jordan at his peak). Sometimes, they were outplayed (losing in the Finals in 1999 against a better team). And, for decades, they made a lot of questionable decisions – bringing in high-priced coaches and players who lacked character and didn’t perform up to their potential. 

As a Knicks fan, I suffered silently, making the best of a bad situation, knowing full-well that the results were beyond my control. But in the past few years, everything changed.

The owner brought in a general manager who had a vision. The team would be filled with high-effort, high-character players who may not have the biggest names but also wouldn’t have the biggest egos. Guys who knew the meaning of teamwork and sacrifice. 

Their leader was a point guard named Jalen Brunson. Even though he won high school and college championships, no one thought he was good enough to lead a pro team. Too short. Not athletic enough. Jalen Brunson just scored 45 points in the final game of the series. Same as Michael Jordan in 1998. 

He’s now a legend in New York. Here’s what he had to say after the game.

“I’ve always told myself, and I’ve always been taught by my parents: Never be afraid to fail. You put the confidence you have in everything you do when the lights are on because of everything you’ve done when no one is watching.”

This quote is the reason I’m writing to you today. Because it echoes MY favorite quote – which I have on a painting in my home – “What would you do if you could not fail?”

So,  what would you do if you weren’t afraid to fail?

What would you do if you weren’t afraid of going back online?

What would you do if you weren’t afraid of going on one date a week?

What would you do if you weren’t afraid of getting rejected by a man you really liked?

What would you do if you weren’t afraid of being vulnerable?

What would you do if you weren’t afraid of getting hurt?

The truth is, you don’t lack romantic love because you’re unworthy. If anything, you have underestimated what you’re worth in love, and after years of disappointing relationships, you’re afraid to take the risks required to get what you want.

If fear has been making your decisions – quitting online dating, giving up on men, convincing yourself life is better alone –  you’re not playing to win. You’re playing not to lose. 

The question isn’t whether you’ll ever get rejected or disappointed again, any more than Jalen Brunson could guarantee the Knicks would win.  

The question is whether you’re willing to let your past keep you from creating the future you’ve always wanted.

Love,

Evan

My family, watching the final game, together. 

* This article was originally published here