The news is bad. That much is true. From the war, to the inflation from the war, to the assassination attempt, most of us are upset, angry, and afraid.
Upset at the unraveling of our institutions, angry at those who don’t listen to their constituents, afraid of how little control we have over our lives.
I can vote. I can doomscroll for 5 hours a day. But there’s little I can do to change the trajectory of the U.S. and its politics. Thus, I have two choices: despair, or go on living.
Despair is easy. In light of our own powerlessness, we become paralyzed by indecision. We stop taking action because we don’t know what action to take. If anxiety triggers the fight or flight mechanism – and we don’t know who to fight – we withdraw.
That’s what millions of women are doing when it comes to love.
“I don’t know what to do” turns into “I won’t do anything at all.”
Everybody agrees: Dating apps are bad. Men are toxic. Relationships are pointless.
Then there are my clients.
If you’re reading this, they’re women who are a lot like you. They’re going through a midlife reinvention. Maybe it’s a divorce. Maybe it’s an empty nest. Maybe it’s retirement. Maybe it’s all of them.
Despite the uncertainty, what you do know is that you’re smart, resilient, and financially independent. You don’t need a man but you still want a man – as long as that man is not like your ex. If you’re going to be with a guy, he has to add value instead of drain your life force.
What does adding value mean?
He has to prioritize you. He has to listen to you. He has to respect you. He has to communicate with you. He has to have his own life – and want to be a part of yours.
I know that after a bitter divorce or years of unsuccessful online dating, it’s hard to conceive that this man is real. He is. And, in fact, there are lots of men like him.
How do I know this if I’m a married man who hasn’t been on a date for 20 years?
My clients tell me.
8 women attended a small group coaching call on Tuesday night.
4 of them are new and haven’t started dating yet.
The other 4 are all in relationships that started online since they’ve worked with me.
Sara is a 65 year old marketing executive who was widowed after 30 years.
Alison is a 54 year old scientist who chooses abusive men with avoidant attachment issues.
Jessica is a 64 year old life coach who went through a painful divorce after 26 years.
Denise is a 44 year old entrepreneur who is never married with no kids.
All are great catches. All had broken man-pickers. All found men who are kind, generous, and commitment-oriented within two months of working with me.
This is a testament to those women.
Where other women stayed paralyzed, they took action.
Where other women bought the lie that love is impossible, they proved otherwise.
It’s not about whether you can find love.
It’s about whether you choose to – like Sara, Alison, Jessica, and Denise.
If you’re ready to make that choice for yourself, I’m here.
Love,
Evan
* This article was originally published here
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