One of the most popular questions I get is this:
“What is your success rate?”
The honest answer is that virtually all my clients break their old dating patterns, discover a new way to meet and evaluate men, and are thrilled with the coaching and community. But that doesn’t mean that 95% of my clients meet their future husbands in the first six months of working together. Not at all.
In fact, I once took a poll of my Love U graduate community and asked the married women when they met their husbands. The average answer was 2 years after hiring me.
So if I told you that you’d have to date for two more years before meeting the man who would love you unconditionally and take care of you for the rest of your life, would you do it? Or would you say that it’s too much work?
Your answer says a lot about you.
Just this morning, I was listening to a podcast where two guys talked about the keys to success being discipline and delayed gratification. You eat right most days so you can be fit and healthy into your 70s. You put in 8-10 hours/day of work so you can earn enough to retire. You practice your craft: jewelry making, piano, yoga, so that you feel competent at it.
That SHOULD be the way we approach dating, but it’s not. We think that just because we’re attractive and smart and kind that dating should just be easy.
How much life experience do you need to realize that is NOT the case?
Most people want instant gratification – especially these days. If we don’t get rewarded quickly for our efforts, the impulse is to quit. Delete the apps! Give up on men! Double down on work, friends, and travel, which give you more short-term pleasure.
That’s a normal emotional reaction to the disappointment of dating but it doesn’t solve the problem of being alone. What solves the problem? Discipline. Delayed gratification. Learning from your mistakes. Improving your skills and decision-making.
Sexy, I know!
Before I started writing today, I looked at my roster of active clients.
Right now, I have 10 group coaching clients and 12 private coaching clients.
8 already have marriage-oriented boyfriends who are treating them better than they’ve ever been treated before.
These are women who read the same emails, listen to the same podcasts, and are experiencing the same struggles as you.
But what did they do?
They got tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results. They were open to coaching. They got boyfriends.
To be clear: they’re not successes because of me.
They’re successes because they did the hard thing, not the easy thing.
Finally, just because 8 clients have boyfriends now doesn’t mean those men are going to last. See, my goal is not to be able to say that 90% of my clients found guys in six months.
What I want is for women like you to learn to listen to your feelings, trust your judgment, and ONLY stay in relationships where you feel consistently safe, heard, and understood.
That is my definition of success and I’d like to make it yours, too.
* This article was originally published here
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