One of the biggest problems women face in love is that you don’t trust your judgment. After decades of subpar relationships, that makes sense. If every man you’ve ever dated didn’t work out, why would you think that the next one would be any different? These repeated relationship failures lead you to a state of despair, powerlessness, and paralysis. That’s when women generally reach out to me.
And even though every woman who hires me has the same goal – to find a happy, healthy, long-term relationship, the truth is: my goal is different. More empowering. Longer-lasting. While your goal is to meet a man ASAP so you never have to go on another date for the rest of your life, my goal is to give you the ability to trust your own judgment in love.
As a parent, it’s the difference between giving your kid a job and giving her the creativity and resilience to choose a career that is aligned with their goals.
I love saying that I have more success stories than most matchmakers, even though I’ve never made an introduction in my entire career. Why? Because matchmakers catch you a fish; dating coaches teach you HOW to fish. All of my success stories are from women who learned the skill of dating and relationships and report back to me years later.
This week’s story is from a current client who was a people-pleaser stuck in an abusive 25 year marriage and was petrified of the prospects of online dating.
While it took Randi 3 months to get up the nerve to set up her daily online dating practices, from our coaching calls, she absorbed the lessons of Love U: being the CEO of your own love life, assuming the answer is yes, listening to your feelings, setting healthy boundaries.
Here’s what Randi said after a guy flaked on a scheduled phone call for a second time and she texted him back, cutting him loose and wishing him well:
I never write to someone like I did here. I generally just move on. But as my confidence grows and as I take things much less personally, I see myself acting differently. I’m glad I gave him a second chance and saw things through.
Since opening my profile, I have had a date every weekend. 5 total! And two last weekend. Two 2nd dates that have since fizzled out and one first date last Sunday where there was no chemistry at all. We shared a great meal and he seemed like a good man, but at one point during the date I wished I could get up and leave because I was so bored. Before the date ended he asked me point blank if I would want to see him again. I told him that I was unsure and would need to think about it. He then said, “Well can I tell you how I feel about you?” I braced myself for the worst but he went on to tell me how honored he’d be to have me on his arm, that he thought I was beautiful inside and out and very intelligent too
. After he walked me to my car I gave him a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I texted him the next day and thanked him for a lovely date, told him the food was delicious, but that I didn’t feel the connection I wanted/needed.
He took it very well. And I am now talking to 5 or 6 new men. I would not be surprised if one turns into a date. We shall see. I am so enjoying spending so much time with nice men and growing and learning. With each date my confidence, self-knowledge, and understanding of men continues to grow. I have a lot of compassion for them while keeping my wants and needs front and center. What’s working for me now is using 3 apps simultaneously. Doing so helps me keep up to 10 men in the funnel at any given time.
I look forward to our next one on one coaching session.
Randi
Does this sound like a woman who is afraid of online dating? Who sees the worst in the opposite sex? Who’s skeptical that there are quality guys ? Who is pessimistic about love?
No. No. No. And no.
Although Randi does not have a boyfriend, she is embodying the traits of a woman who will soon find a partner. She’s warm, confident, enthusiastic, curious, optimistic, and, most importantly: SHE TRUSTS HER JUDGMENT!
I know there’s the temptation to skip dating and keep your fingers crossed that you’ll meet someone in real life. That strategy – while common – doesn’t work well.
If you want to learn to date with joy, confidence, and optimism – and, in turn, attract the best in men, click here to talk with me.
Soon, you’ll sound a lot like Randi – playful, empowered, and on her way to lasting love.
XO,
Evan
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* This article was originally published here
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