If I were a smarter guy, here’s the book that I would write.
It’s called The Overcorrection.
It’s about what happens when we react to painful experiences in our lives and swing too far in the opposite direction.
A bad relationship leads someone to swear off relationships forever.
A partner who struggled financially leads someone to insist the next man must have money.
A marriage without affection leads someone to chase chemistry above everything else.
One painful experience turns into a rule about how the world works.
And those rules often take us somewhere we never intended to go.
I see it all the time in dating.
Women who had financially unstable partners decide the next man must have money, only to discover that having money doesn’t automatically make someone a good husband.
Women who had no sex or affection in their marriages chase chemistry after divorce and discover that intense chemistry can blind you to someone’s worst qualities.
People who were in a bad marriage convince themselves the answer is to never get married again.
And then those same people discover that while you can fend for yourself alone, and yes, that’s better than being with someone who drags you down, life is still harder when you’re doing everything by yourself.
Your friends love you. Your family loves you. But they’re not going to love you the way a partner will.
They’re not waking up next to you every morning.
They’re not rubbing your feet at the end of a long day.
They’re not killing the bugs, taking out the heavy garbage bags, planning the road trip, driving the car, paying for the hotel.
They’re not the person who listens to you at the end of every day, drives you to chemo, and holds you while you fall asleep.
So yes, you can survive without a partner. You can wrap yourself in the banner of freedom and independence, but something is getting lost.
And who is encouraging that overcorrection?
The algorithms.
Algorithms reward outrage. They amplify division. They push content that makes you angry because angry people engage more. Reasonable content rarely goes viral.
Believe me, I never spent half a second thinking about being Jewish growing up, and now my social feeds constantly show me antisemitic content.
Do you really think your feeds aren’t shaping you too?
If your social media tells you dating apps are terrible, men are trash, and marriage is dead, it won’t take long before your single friends start repeating the same thing.
Suddenly that becomes the new normal.
If you try to defend men, dating apps, or marriage, you’re accused of supporting the patriarchy, which is pretty wild when you think about it.
I’m a happily married man who has spent two decades helping women raise their standards for relationships, date with confidence, and choose equal partners.
Somehow that gets twisted into the idea that I’m trying to trap women in an oppressive structure where men control them. Somehow I get lumped in with those who are trying to take away women’s rights. That’s how toxic the conversation has become.
This means you have to be extremely careful about who you listen to. So, ask yourself a simple question:
Would you rather take advice from angry women on social media and your circle of frustrated single friends?
Or would you rather listen to those who are actually in happy, healthy relationships?
Just because dating has been rough, you’ve invested in the wrong men, and some people around you are giving up on men doesn’t mean YOU have to.
There is still a path to the relationship you deserve.
But only if you stop listening to the loudest negative voices and resist the urge to overcorrect your way into a life without romantic love.
* This article was originally published here
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