Stop Trying to Make Your Relationship Work

It’s the question I hear over and over again from smart, successful women:

“Evan, how do I make this relationship work?”

Now, don’t get me wrong, the desire to create a lasting relationship is noble. But that question: “How do I maintain this? How do I keep this alive?” starts from the wrong place.

It implies the relationship deserves to be saved.

It implies the man you’re with deserves the benefit of the doubt.

It implies that your job is to fix something that might be fundamentally broken.

And it completely misses the point of dating. You’re not supposed to maintain a relationship until it limps across the finish line. You’re supposed to evaluate it.

Because if a relationship only survives with constant work, scrutiny, and over-analysis, it’s probably not that strong to begin with. 

And if it dies from lack of effort?

Let it.

This is what it means to be the CEO of your love life.

Just like a CEO doesn’t keep underperforming employees who drain the company’s energy and morale, you don’t keep a man who underdelivers and makes you question your worth.

You fire the man who’s killing your corporate culture. You don’t let him come in twice a week for three hours and continue to pay his exorbitant salary. 

But don’t relationships take work?

Sure. But not that kind of work. A good relationship takes EFFORT. It takes vulnerability, self-awareness, communication, and shared values. However, it does not require you to analyze it to death or constantly convince yourself it’s working when it isn’t.

In fact, here’s an insight that might make you squirm:

The more you analyze your relationship, the less you enjoy it.

This is true across the board. Ever noticed how the moment you try to document an amazing sunset, it’s no longer about the sunset? 

That’s what most women do in their relationships.

They stop living inside the relationship and start hovering above it, dissecting every conversation, every text, every reaction. And here’s where it gets even trickier…

Observing something changes it.

It’s like Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. In quantum physics, the act of observing something changes what you’re observing. That’s what happens in relationships too. 

When you’re constantly testing and evaluating it… you’re not IN it anymore. 

You’re analyzing it to death, or worse, trying to resurrect a relationship that should already be put to rest. No wonder it feels exhausting.

Instead of being on high alert (which would seem to be a pretty unpleasant way to function in a relationship), relax. Observe. Trust your judgment.

The right relationship won’t need CPR at every turn.

You won’t have to sit down every weekend and ask, “Where is this going?”

You won’t drag him to couples therapy against his will.

You won’t need quizzes to test compatibility. You’ll FEEL compatible.

The best relationships feel like being in flow. Two people showing up authentically, making an effort, and enjoying each other’s company without constantly trying to dissect it.

You don’t schedule “relationship maintenance” when things are smooth.

You don’t fix what isn’t broken.

You observe. You evaluate. And when something feels off, you act.

You either bring it up and give it a chance to correct or you walk away without guilt.

You don’t stay out of obligation. You don’t stay because you’ve already invested so much time. That’s the sunk cost fallacy, and it’s a trap too many women fall into.

You are not obligated to maintain a relationship that no longer serves you.

You are not responsible for a man’s growth curve.

You are not in charge of his emotional labor.

Your only job is to ask: does this man make my life better?

Not COULD he make it better, eventually, if he went to therapy, grew up, got over his fear of commitment, changed careers, and stopped drinking.

Just, does he make my life better today?

A good man makes it easy. He makes it consistent. He makes it clear. He doesn’t make you question where you stand. He doesn’t need to be dragged to the finish line. He doesn’t need “motivation” to treat you well.

The best relationships don’t need to be analyzed and pieced together with duct tape. 

You shouldn’t have to work so hard to keep something from breaking.

If you’re always the one holding it together, then it’s already falling apart.

Let go. Let it break. Let the wrong man walk.

Because the right one won’t require all this work

When he arrives, you’ll finally know what it means to feel safe, heard, and understood.

Love,

Evan

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* This article was originally published here