As a dating coach for smart, successful women, I’ve been asked the same question in a hundred different ways:
- “Where are all the good men?”
- “What’s the best dating app?”
- “Is it better to meet someone at church, through friends, or at a professional networking event?”
Underneath these questions is the same core belief: “I just haven’t met the right guy yet.” But I’m here to tell you something that might rattle your worldview a little:
The problem is not where you meet men. The problem is how you choose them.
It’s completely understandable why so many women focus on where to meet men:
- If I just get on the right app, he’ll show up.
- If I move to a city with more single men, I’ll finally find him.
- If I attend more events, workshops, and meetups, I’ll increase my chances.
But here’s the truth (believe it or not): good men are everywhere. The problem isn’t merely access; it’s selection. Remember: I’m not blaming you for the lack of quality men. I’m acknowledging that 90% of men are not for you AND pointing out that if you keep choosing poorly, it won’t matter where you meet them. The pattern will repeat.
The Flawed Logic of “I Just Haven’t Met the Right Guy Yet”
I just haven’t met the right guy” is comforting because it implies there’s nothing you can do to alter your future.
The problem is always dating apps, your city, and, basically, all men.
Imagine a man said the same thing. You’d assume he had a big blind spot.
So if none of your previous relationships made you feel safe, heard, and understood, then maybe — just maybe — the common denominator isn’t men… it’s your choices.
Not in a self-shaming way. In an empowering, take-the-wheel-of-your-love-life kind of way.
Because when you realize that your biggest challenge isn’t meeting men or even keeping them — it’s choosing the right one in the first place — everything changes.
Why Women Choose Poorly (Even Smart Ones, Like You!)
You’re not alone. I see this with my clients all the time. Here are a few common traps:
1. You mistake chemistry for compatibility.
That hot guy with the witty banter gives you butterflies… and anxiety. He’s exciting, but he’s also inconsistent, unavailable, or emotionally exhausting.
2. You fall in love with potential.
You see what he could be if he just went to therapy, communicated better, or stopped being selfish. But potential isn’t reality. And who he could be isn’t who he is right now.
3. You override your own feelings.
He checks the boxes on paper, so when you don’t feel emotionally fulfilled, you tell yourself you’re being too picky. Spoiler alert: you’re not.
One of my clients – let’s call her Lisa – came into Love U after a string of relationships with men who were exciting, accomplished, and emotionally vacant.
She kept saying, “I just haven’t met the right guy.” What she really meant was: “I keep choosing attractive men who make me feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”
When she finally gave a good guy a chance – someone who showed up consistently, listened, and treated her like gold – she realized that her life wasn’t marked by looking for love in all the wrong places, but rather, wasting decades on relationships with the wrong men.
She didn’t have to chase love. She didn’t have to question where she stood. She simply allowed herself to be loved the way she deserved all along.
And yes — she met him online, in a city where she swore all the good men were taken.
Become the CEO of Your Love Life
Choosing the right man is a skill. Just like you learned how to build your career or manage your finances, you can learn how to choose a man who makes you feel cherished.
In Love U, I teach you how to meet men, date with confidence, understand male behavior, and choose a compatible partner.
You don’t need a different app, a better city, or a mythical meetup with only great guys.
You need a better strategy — and I can teach you how.
If you’re ready to finally stop selecting the wrong men and start attracting the right one, click here to apply for coaching.
You’ll get the support, structure, and tools to create the love life you’ve always wanted.
Love,
Evan
Raise your relationship standards
* This article was originally published here
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